Banal Series #23, Truck Stops

 These bastions of rest and refueling dot the landscape across the continent. They bear familiar logos: Flying J, Pilot, Love's, all promising a viable stopping place. The logos themselves are perhaps the most enchanting. The familiarity cultivated and conjured around the brand graphic - it beckons the weary traveler in. Truckers like the truck friendly environs of the truck stop, devoid of hassles of parking often found on public roads, the truck stop provides a place to rest. To decompress. Log D.O.T. sleep hours. 

Amenities such as shower facilities, and a full service large convenient store, or small omnibus grocery store are commonplace. Most, if not all, have an aisle or two dedicated to CB accessories, and to hardware such as wrenches, pliers, hammers, and euphemistically named truncheons called "tire knockers". DVDs can be had, sometimes rented, and returned one way style at the next participating truck stop. Some stops even have radio shops for repairs to CB equipment, and a wink and a nod, and maybe a couple of hundred cash can buy you an illegally powerful citizen band modification - capable, from what I've been told - of sending a signal dozens of miles.

Food, of the greasiest of greasy spoon caliber, and of the most down home of down home is often served in a short order diner which may or may not be affiliated with yet another national chain. The truck stop restaurant is perhaps the crowning piece. Waitresses, adorned in the archetypical costume of what is to be thought of as emblematic of a short order server, jostle and palm serving trays to booths filled with hungry and downtrodden truckers. These familiar, or seeming familiar things are almost necessary in the truck driving world. The thousands of miles over lonely highways take their understandable toll on even the most gruff and bearded of truckers.

The truck stop serves as a meeting point, a regrouping point. A respite. A node along America's ductwork of Interstates, as freight traverses the continent. 

 

Most Alien Abductions Actually Sleep Apnea, Study Shows

CINCINNATI

Zebecchia Burke wasn’t abducted by aliens. That’s what a recent study from the Institute for Reasoning and Hylomorphic Compunction claimed. A fifteen page color brochure released Monday illustrates how many nocturnal alien abductions are actually sleep apnea.

“It’s a common misconception,” said Dr. Paul Zeitgeist, researcher with the Institute. “Oftentimes we will see a spike in alien abduction reports concordant with a spike in local beer sales,” he said, pointing to a chart. “A subject will purchase alcohol, and often cigarettes, drink too much, smoke too much, and simply pass out on their couches, supine,” he said, demonstratively showing the motion of passing out.

Burke begs to differ. “I’ve been sober for six months,” he said in his Covington, KY sleeping room. “I [have not] had a beer or a drug in that time,” he said. “Sides, I got proof of abduction,” he said, pulling down his pants, exposing a seven inch scar along his inner thigh. “That there is an alien wound,” he said pointing to the raised welt.

Burke’s neighbor, Red Hussert, a 64 year old retired railroad worker claimed he heard gasping noises coming from Burke’s residence. “Yes sir,” Hussert said, “I heard a loud gasp coming from across the hall. Then some rustling, and a thump.”

Burke’s sponsor, a Bob G. from Newport, KY says he thinks the scar can be explained by a love tryst. “Zeb’s been dating Cat Claw Gina off and on for about 3 weeks now,” he said, referring to Burke’s recent relationship with fellow recovery member Gina L., who was later unavailable for comment.

Dr. Zeitgeist thinks the whole thing can be explained by a condition known as sleep apnea, or a sudden cessation or series of cessations in breathing during the sleep process. Often observed in obese people, alcohol or other sedative users, and persons prone to snoring, sleep apnea is a potentially life threatening condition.

“When a person stops breathing in their sleep,” Dr. Zeitgeist said, “a sudden dearth in oxygen can lead to hallucinogenic, and often psychedelic delusions.”

“The dreams,” he said, “become more vivid, oftentimes with aliens in them.”

William Comparetto

© 2008